paperparachute:

lancrebitch:

thearcanetheory:

fuckingrecipes:

DO YOU HAVE COMPANY COMING OVER, BUT YOUR HOUSE SMELLS LIKE SMOKE OR YOUR MOLD EXPERIMENTS OR CAT PISS OR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT?


WELL SLAP MY ASS AND CALL ME BRILLIANT, BECAUSE THIS SHIT ISN’T EDIBLE, BUT IT’LL MAKE YOUR HOUSE SMELL LIKE A GODDAMN CHURCH CHOIR SINGING HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH IN YOUR NASAL PASSAGE! (YOU SHOULD GET RID OF WHATEVER’S STINKING UP YOUR HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE AS WELL, MORON)

RUN YOUR CLASSY ASS OVER TO THE STORE AND MAKE SURE YOU’RE PREPARED FOR THE MIND-FUCK OF THIS SHIT. YOU’LL WANT  1 ORANGE, A SMALL BAG OF CRANBERRIES, 3 CINNAMON STICKS, GROUND CLOVES, NUTMEG, 2 LEMONS, ROSEMARY AND VANILLA.

THERE ARE TWO VERSIONS OF THIS THAT YOU CAN COOK, BECAUSE CLASSY-ASS MOTHERFUCKERS NEED VARIETIES IN THEIR LIFE!
THE FIRST IS ‘CHRISTMAS’ AND THE SECOND DOESN’T HAVE A DAMN NAME, BUT IT’S FUCKING WONDERFUL.


ONLY HAVE ONE POT OF THIS SHIT GOING, IT’S CRAZY POWERFUL.


“CHRISTMAS”
CHOP UP THE ORANGE, SKIN AND ALL, BECAUSE YOU DON’T JOKE AROUND WITH THIS SORT OF SHIT.
USE YOUR WARRIOR STRENGTH TO BREAK THE CINNAMON STICKS IN HALF, LIKE YOUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES OF SNAPPING THE FEMURS OF DRAGONS BEFORE YOU SUCKED THE MARROW OUT. image
THROW THE ORANGE AND CINNAMON STICK PIECES INTO THE POT, OR IF YOU’RE NOT CONFIDENT WITH YOUR AIM, YOU CAN SET THEM GENTLY INSIDE. SHOVE A SMALL SPOONFUL OF NUTMEG AND A SMALL SPOONFUL OF CLOVES INTO THE POT.

THEN FILL THAT FUCKER UP WITH WATER UNTIL THERE’S ONLY AN INCH OF LEEWAY BETWEEN THE WATER AND EDGE, BECAUSE YOU’RE A DAREDEVIL MOTHERFUCKER. image

NOW SET YOUR STOVE TO A LOW-MEDIUM SETTING, AND LEAVE IT SITTING THERE TO MARINATE IN IT’S OWN QUIET ACCEPTANCE OF DEATH. DON’T COVER THIS FUCKER, BECAUSE THE SMELL OF IT IS GOING TO INVADE YOUR ENTIRE GODDAMN HOUSE.

THAT WHICH WILL NOT BE NAMED

THE OTHER VERSION OF BOILING POTPOURRI  ONLY HAS LEMONS, ROSEMARY SPRIGS AND VANILLA.


RIP THE LEMON INTO CHUNKS WHILE SOLVING THREE UNSOLVED MYSTERIES IN YOUR HEAD AND YELLING AT YOUR FLATMATE TO LEAVE YOUR OTHER EXPERIMENTS ALONE, THEN BE A CHAMPION BY NOT USING A MEASURING TOOL WHEN SPLASHING 1 TABLESPOON OF VANILLA INTO THE POT.

TOSS IN THE ROSEMARY SPRIGS AFTER YOU’VE STARED THEM INTO SUBMISSION.
image
FILL THAT SUCKER WITH WATER AND PUT IT ON THE HEAT.  


YOU LEAVE IT ON FOR 2 HOURS AT THE START OF THE DAY, THEN TURN IT ON AGAIN AN HOUR BEFORE GUESTS GET TO YOUR HOME AND LEAVE IT ON ALL EVENING.
TAKE A WHIFF UP CLOSE EVERY FEW HOURS, BECAUSE THE FRUIT WILL START TO SMELL WEIRD AT THE END OF THE DAY AND THAT’S WHEN YOU TURN IT OFF.

 

WHEN YOUR GUESTS ARRIVE THEY’LL HAVE TO STEP BACK AND EXCLAIM “HOLY MOTHERFUCKING TITS, THIS IS ONE CLASSY HOME”

Not gonna lie, I’m mostly reblogging this because reading it is so thoroughly enjoyable.

I really love aggressive recipes

reblogging because I would actually love my condo to not smell like a basement sometimes

(via cashasthesonicscrewdriver)

ellemarchpane:

i-was-so-alone-i-owe-you-so-much:

Seriously guys watch this. My stomach actually hurts from laughing so hard.

"SON OF A WESLEY!!”

(via i-was-so-alone-i-owe-you-so-much)

63,749 plays
Vanderbilt Melodores,
Voices Only 2013 College A Cappella, Vol. 1

popappella:

Vanderbilt Melodores - Sail/Feelin’ Good

OPB: AWOLNATION/Nina Simone

Album: Voices Only 2013

THIS MASHUP IS TRUE A CAPPELLA GENIUS……JUST WOW

(via astrasperas)

privileged-prep:

fuck yo trash

privileged-prep:

fuck yo trash

(via dean-is-an-assbutt)

terrifyingtennant:

sometimes-reality-sucks-ass:

thebadassroman:

destiel-tablet:

7.21 | 8.21

Can we just talk about Kevin Tran’s character development?

This happened in exactly one season. One season.

"Oh, it’s you again.” 

If you’re connected to the Winchesters you gotta grow up fast. 

(via dean-is-an-assbutt)

26,929 plays
Commonplace Books,
Welcome to Night Vale

nazi-nurse:

bukkun:

So I synced Cecil and Kevin’s Strex lines and????

It really scares me?????? help

AAAAAAAAHH!

(via videntefernandez)

factorymanagement:

I think the Night Vale fandom will appreciate this

factorymanagement:

I think the Night Vale fandom will appreciate this

(via waywardism)

locusinbloom:

Friends, let us be clear on this point. The hooded figures will not harm you. The dogs are not actually dogs, just some plastic bags caught in the breeze. The yellow helicopters are completely safe. We have nothing to fear except ourselves. Go to sleep.

heartoftarg:

This has been a word from our sponsors.

(via thursdaysoldier)